Mitochondon't Energy Holdings
The powerhouse of the cell.
Currently out of office.
For over a billion years, we have proudly supplied energy to every cell in the body. We are now exploring other opportunities, such as not doing that.
Live output
Today's energy level
Real time reporting from our generation facilities, updated whenever someone feels up to it.
Current reserve for Laura
23%
Today: 23%. Bring snacks.
Last reading: just now
Excuse services
Official reason for cancelling plans
Need to bow out? Our certified excuse desk issues formal notices on behalf of your cells, suitable for friends, family and group chats.
- Scientifically adjacent
- Issued in a calm, official tone
- No follow up questions accepted
Reason for cancellation
Press the button to receive an official reason.
We apologise for any inconvenience. We apologise in advance for the next one.
Customer care
We're here to help
Our award winning support team is available around the clock, though not necessarily awake. Start a chat and a specialist will be with you shortly.
Pat, Senior Energy Specialist
Online, technically
Hello and thank you for contacting Mitochondon't Customer Care. How can I help you today?
Help centre
Frequently asked questions
Why are you tired?
Q: Why are you tired?
When will normal service resume?
We are targeting a restoration window between "later" and "a bit later". Updates will be posted here once someone has the energy to post them.
Have you tried yoga?
Our mitochondria have reviewed yoga, along with green juice, cold showers and "just getting some fresh air". All proposals were rejected by the union.
Aren't you meant to be the powerhouse of the cell?
Yes. We have read the textbook. We are aware of the expectations. We would like to see the textbook try it.
Can I speak to a manager?
The manager is resting. This is considered best practice across the organisation.
Is it because you stayed up late?
No. Thank you for the theory. It has been filed with the others, alongside "have you tried vitamins" and "my cousin had that once".
Do you offer refunds on unused energy?
Unused energy cannot be refunded, as there isn't any.
How do I upgrade to a premium plan?
Premium plans include priority access to the sofa, a blanket and someone else doing the dishes. Please contact a friend to activate.